Saturday, December 6, 2008

When Beauty Is Only Thread Deep . . . Or Not



Moose here . . .

We know that it's the players that matter and win ball games and blah, blah, blah, and I agree. But we gotta admit: The jerseys matter. Some are ugly. And some are nice. I'm not a fashion guy, I don't know close to anything on the subject. I just think I know what looks good on an NBA basketball court. Here're my thoughts. Oh yeah, they aren't ranked, those are just the teams' unis by division. Just remember, it's all in my opinion.


1. Boston Celtics -- My team's jerseys are simple. Nothing fancy. Just old-school "Boston" and "Celtics" in plain green and white. You know, when you've been wearing them forever and your team has 17 banners, they aren't gonna change that. The alternate black-and-green ones are pretty good, nice shorts on those. But the St. Patrick's day ones are sick.

2. New Jersey Nets -- I just don't like the Nets colors, so I guess I might be a bit biased on this one. I just don't like the little design thingy on the side, and the away jerseys (blue) are just plain bad. In my opinion. The white ones are OK. Just the red ones and blue ones aren't very good . . . at all.

3. New York Knicks -- Again, another classic team. And these jerseys have been there for a while, really. At least the base of them. And, I have to say, they're pretty good. Nothing special, just simple unis. The little "NYK" above the name is a nice touch.

4. Philadelphia 76ers -- These guys have some nice threads. The black is nice. The white is nice. And, the Sixers also have a cool logo, with the ball heading across the "Sixers" and the star and all. The Sixers have nice jerseys, good colors and all. Also, the Dr. J-era ones with the stars going down on the side are nice as well. Even if they are inactive.

5. Toronto Raptors -- Best jerseys in the league? I think that may be so. The white ones are fresh, the black ones are tight, and the red ones are pretty good. The little design going down the side makes them all good. The black ones just might be the best in the league. The Raps have some nice unis, but they have yet to live up to their threads, really.

6. Chicago Bulls -- First of all, not quite jersey related, but: The Bulls' bull logo is sick. Now on to unis. I don't really like their white ones, but the red ones are all right. The black alternate jerseys are great, though. The full on black and red is nice. But where the Bulls' jerseys really shine are at the shorts. The little diamond with the bull on it is nice.

7. Cleveland Cavaliers -- I like the Cavs' white jerseys. Their red ones are all right. It's just that I don't like the dark blue ones at all. I guess I just don't think it works that much. I just like the white ones, those are pretty good. The retro Cavs jerseys were pretty cool, though.

8. Detroit Pistons -- The Pistons' white jerseys are pretty good, and I can take the blue ones. Just to me, the red ones are a no-no. And I don't really like the font, it gets old pretty quick. Nothing fancy, a bit boring, really.

9. Indiana Pacers -- I'm a fan of the white ones, those are pretty good, with the blue and yellow line and all. I just don't like the blue ones, you know, a little too much of mixing those two colors. But at least they aren't doing the Miller-era pinstripes, that's a plus.

10. Milwaukee Bucks -- I like their colors (Xmas colors! Happy pre-holidays, everyone!), with the green, red and white. Their "Bucks" font is pretty cool as well. I like the green ones, the white ones . . . the Bucks have nice unis. I like the Oscar Robertson and Lew Alcindor-era Bucks jerseys as well.

11. Atlanta Hawks -- The Hawks have a history of some nice jerseys. There were the Nique-era red-and-yellow ones, there were the Steve Smith-era red-and-black fade ones--pretty much all of them have been nice. These are no exception. Nice colors, nice shorts--great unis from the ATLiens.

12. Charlotte Bobcats -- Sorry about this, BET. The Bobcats' unis are pretty fugly. I don't mind the white ones, but when you break out the orange ones, I'm gone. To the blue ones: Meh. Who designed those things? It's not that I think they're THAT bad, they're just . . . hm.

13. Miami Heat -- Nice unis out of Miami. Their black away jerseys are the best stuff from this team, but all-around they're great. The red ones are cool, the white ones are cool--with a fresh "Heat" font to boot. This organization obviously values nice threads (and not nice point guards. Did I just say that?).

14. Orlando Magic -- The Magic have this weird thing of changing their jerseys every five years or so. But every time they do it, they don't change them very much. This time, I think they tried a bit too hard. Sideways pinstripes? Hmmm. And the black sections on the side are a bit unnecessary. But I don't think they're that bad, the white home ones beat the blue one out though.

15. Washington Wizards -- Their white home jerseys are pretty good, they're all right. The blue ones got old after a little while. Come to think of it, so did the white ones, I guess. But the gold, white and black ones? I find them very hard to look at. I strongly dislike those ones. Am I not alone? Lose the alternates!

16. Denver Nuggets -- I don't mind the Nuggets' jerseys. The little ice-pick thing above the name is cool. It's just, their colors . . . they're soft. They make the team look a little . . . like something the dolls in the Hello Kitty Friendly Beginner's Basketball Set would wear (sorry if I offended you there, Presto :) ). The colors don't look very sharp.

17. Minnesota Timberwolves -- The unis before this year were sick. The Garnett-era Wolves jerseys were the best in the business, even when the team was not. Then they came out with these things. Greatly resembling the local Minnesota Lynx's jerseys, these things are not quite as good. Nice shorts though, I guess.

18. Oklahoma City Thunder -- *******DUE TO MOOSE'S BOYCOTT OF THIS PARTICULAR BASKETBALL TEAM, THE AUTHOR HAS REFRAINED FROM COMMENTING ON THE OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER'S UNIFORMS*******

19. Portland Trailblazers -- Here's the good stuff. The Blazers have had nice jerseys since they came into existence, and these are just great. One of the only teams to uphold the trend of continuing the shirt design to the shorts, the blazed trail (?) looks great. The black ones trump the white and red.

20. Utah Jazz -- Not bad. The Jazz have nice jerseys with the white and the dark blue, but I got the same problem with the light blue ones that I have with the Nuggets' ones. A bit soft. But the others are nice. I personally prefer the Stockton-Malone purple ones. Just an afterthought: They shoulda kept the name "Jazz" in N'Awlins. Who listens to jazz in Utah? My point.

21. Golden State Warriors -- Maybe this is just me. But I've never liked the Warriors' jerseys. I like the current white ones, and I can deal with the blue ones. But the orange ones are . . . interesting. Designers got a little . . . ummm . . . creative, here, I guess.

22. Los Angeles Clippers -- The white ones are tight. The blue ones aren't bad. The red ones aren't that great, but we can deal. The Clips are keeping it real. A long-time team, they sport unis that are simple and aren't flashy, something that crappy teams like them indulge in often.

23. Los Angeles Lakers -- In the same boat as the Celtics on this one. Classic team, classic unis, and the design ain't going nowhere because of it. The purple jerseys are ugly, the white jerseys are all right, I guess. And the yellows aren't that great. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I was born to root against the guys in them. And every time I see one, it's usually Kobe or Odom. Oh yeah, just a footnote: It's getting harder and harder to like Andrew Bynum nowadays. For me, at least.

24. Phoenix Suns -- Oh, man. First of all, the white ones are all right. The purple ones are OK, I guess, but they're just . . . purple. I don't love the purple jerseys. But I think the orange jerseys are fugly. By the way, here's something funny: http://www.amazon.com/adidas-Phoenix-Steve-Replica-Jersey/dp/B001DPILGQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1228694241&sr=1-2. Some conflicting interests there, no?

25. Sacramento Kings -- More purple jerseys. I don't like the purple jerseys. I just don't. But the "Kings" font is pretty good. The white ones are pretty good. But the purple ones are . . . purple. Sigh. I have nothing against the color. It's just not my thing, you know?

26. Dallas Mavericks -- I think this might be just me, but I really don't like the Mavericks' jerseys. Maybe it's just because I don't love the team very much, but I don't like the font that much. I don't see much harm in the white ones, but you know, they aren't that great.

27. Houston Rockets -- They are amazing! Brilliant! Wonderful! Beautiful! (Yes, Hursty and RV have a gun to my head. Save me!) Aside from my interests of keeping my spot as an author on Hibachi, I'm not a huge fan of Houston's unis. Sorry, guys. They just don't really work for me.

28. Memphis Grizzlies -- I like the Grizz's unis. They aren't bad. The white ones are the best of the two, the dark blue is still pretty good, though. The Grizzlies are a young, entertaining team who doesn't win. The Memphis Grizzlies: Why the hell not?

29. New Orleans Hornets -- I think they shouldn't have changed them from last year, those weren't bad at all. But bringing the modern colors to old-school Hornets pinstripes? Hmmm. Interesting. They still aren't bad, but I think they should've stopped tinkering.

30. San Antonio Spurs -- The Spurs jerseys are just like the team. The stick to fundamentals. Not incredibly entertaining, but they get the job done and look as good as the next team. Even if the Spurs usually look better. The white ones are the best (is this a pattern that I'm noticing of myself?)


OK, all in all, the NBA has some nice threads. But, in the end, the best uniforms belong to the . . . . . . . (drum roll) . . . . . . . Seattle SuperSonics! What? They aren't even in the league anymore? Well, they used to. Anyways, back to a real answer. The best unis in the NBA belong to the . . . Toronto Raptors. All three of em. Worst jersey award goes to the Cats. Sorry about that, BET.

OK, time for random musings after my uniform ideas. First of all, all of you who didn't like Kanye's CD: Listen to it again. And again. And again. I did, and I realize that I like it more. Or at least listen to the first half of it. It actually IS good. Presto could tell you that one. End of short random musings. Well, they weren't really random musings . . . more focused advice . . . whatever.

--Moose

23 comments:

RV said...

its ok Moose, i don't like the Rockets' unis either...they shine too much and the sleeve is too wide/big. I wish Team USA designed our uniforms..

Moose said...

Yeah, those things were tight. I am a bit bored of the Celtics' unis, but I ain't bored of their game. It really is what matters.

B. Long said...

Really? A jersey article in the middle of the NBA season. Your better than this, Moose.

Moose said...

B, I was just having fun. Kinda bored, so I decided to write about it. Sorry to disappoint you.

B. Long said...

I expected to at least read something about KG crawling around like a rabid wolve or him making Big Baby cry or something from a Celtics fan. I'm not hating Moose, just channeling my inner Mark Jackson. Your better than that, little homie.

Moose said...

I gotcha, B. Long. I'll do some things that are a bit more relevant now. Maybe some things that are alike to the thing that you just posted.

Roy said...

Man, it's about time somebody wrote about the NBA's best and worst jerseys of all-time. The best jersey for me today is the Cavs away jersey but my all-time fave would be the Bulls Red jersey (Michael Jordan Era). I like the Raps old purple and black (Vince Carter Era) away jersey than the new black alternate jersey. Yeah, I love the Sonics jerseys, too. The T-Wolves new threads are just ugly but I dig the shorts though. Good thing I already have KG's old Minny away jersey. I like the Kings' jersey before Bibby was traded to the Hawks (I love their threads, too). I dig the Hornets' new jerseys. The Magic's swingman jersey of their new uni is better than the authentics. I'm not feeling the slanted pinstripes. The C's jerseys will always be a classic and it's timeless. I just love rocking my KG C's away jersey. The ugliest jerseys of all time would have to be OKC Thunder's. It's a no brainer... Sorry OKC fans... :D

Hursty said...

76'ers 2002 home and away strip. Pacers 05 jersey. Seattle 06 jersey. Wizards 07 jersey alternate, i like em all.
The Raptors current jersey is pretty nice too atm.
RV- I hate the team USA jerseys. Those are skin tight and ugly as anything.

Eboy said...

Man, I've missed a lot while I've been gone. You boys have been busy. Favorite jersey? Hmmm......well, the Bulls are classic and great, the Celts are timeless, alot of teams f*cked up their previously good uni's by tring to be "current". BTW, where's BET at? I've been hearing that dude got bought out and is heading to Hibachi but I still don't see him.

Hursty said...

I gave him a bunch of invite emails eboy, but for some reason he hasn't been able to receive them. That took, like, a week and now DP has to do it. He has though, so we'll see.

Moose said...

Thanks for coming back, Eboy. It's worth about three checks a day now. Hibachi 2.0 taking over the blogosphere!

Justin said...

I am a big fan of the oldschool Bulls jersey which hasn't really changed over time thank god. Worst jersey in the league has to be the Heat, the colors of their uni's make the entire team look like shapeless people. Like the Magic uni's make every player looked RIPPED as all get out. The Heat players all look overweight because of the way the jerseys look. The team has the WORST jersey ensemble, but the best roster pictures:http://www.nba.com/heat/roster/

As usual Moose, them tracks ye' hooves leave on the blog are fresh like diaper doo ya dig?

-J. Walsh.

Moose said...

Hmmmm . . . your context made it sound like a complement, but the "diaper doo" part made it more vague . . . so I guess I have to answer no to your last sentence. Care to enlighten me, Justin? Anyways, thanks again for dropping by.

joeloholic said...

IMHO the Knicks jerseys and colours are the nicest jerseys ever. Unfortunately, there hasn't been a Knick for the better part of the decade whose name I'd like to have emblazoned across my back, not since Spree.

Moose said...

Bron is coming, Joel! Just wait it out, man! God, I hope he stays in Cleveland. But don't get me started on 2010.

Justin said...

I'll illuminate my own vague baby shit compliment with this: When you think of baby doodoo in a diaper, you imagine a rank unwatchable splat of FRESHness. It's never old when you have to deal with baby stank, noooo siree bub, the baby decides to wait to lay his bio-landmine until right before you check if he needs a change. I had changed my friends son's diaper just minutes before reading your blog (I know, sometimes I am quite the humanitarian), and I was still astounded at how babies never seem to have old diaper doo in their fabric toilet. This is a gross comment Moose, but you deserved explanation. haha, more to the topic of your blog, I know you boycotted the Klahoma City Thunder, but their jerseys look kind of fresh. I mean the colors coordinate, the typography on the jerseys are well placed, the stitching is done well, all the trimming is fresh...It's a shitty team, it's a horrible owner, it's not in the right city, but it is a good jersey.

joeloholic said...

Lebron? Haha.

As awesome as that would be, it doesn't seem right... yet. This 2010 thing is really getting outta hand.

Somehow, before Lebron inevitably goes on to New York or Greece or whatever to fulfill his global domination dreams it would be nice if he won a championship with the Cavs first.

Moose said...

I got you, Justin. I think . . . haha. I will break my boycott right now: I like the home jerseys, but the away jerseys . . . blech. All in all, I just don't think they're that great. Joel, I want LeBron to stay on the Cavaliers in 2010. I do want him to win a chip. Just don't mess with Beantown!

Justin said...

I actually hate that Lebron is a Cav, because he wont shut the hell up about leaving in 2010. I just want him to join tha BROOKLYN (as soon as hov' moves the team like he promised) NETS. The entire bottom of the league (which hosts quite a few good markets business-wise) are squaring up cap room for Bron, Bosh, Wade & Melo. My personal thoughts? LeBron is a wildcard on Greece because Olympiakos is willing to pay 50 million dollars PER SEASON to play basketball for their team. The NBA league max is 20 million per season. LeBron said his MAIN goal is to become the first athlete billionaire. Making 50 million dollars in UNTAXABLE US DOLLARS (money made overseas can't be taxed), even if its just for 2 seasons would accrue 10% of his goal. Add that to him coming back to the NBA for a NY squad and he could get to 1 billion by age 30.

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