Wednesday, May 20, 2009

These are my demands.

They say the good die young so I added some
bad ass to my flavor to prolong my life over the drum.

I am the Toronto Raptor GM for the SLAM Mock Draft (didn't even have to start a beef with Ryan Jones to get the spot), and I have some demands. Because I'm an aloof, insufferable white man with an affinity for asking questions, err- demanding answers. My only rule- I will not draft Tyler Hansbrough.

1. Who should I draft, why?
2. What's to stop me from trading Chris Bosh for Chris Quinn of the Heat?
3. Does this mean I can't draft another European like they seem to every year?
4. Is it too Ashton Kutcher-esque to ding-dong-ditch Bill Simmons?
5. Can't I just draft Kareem? I mean, sure he's old, but he's better than any center in this class currently, even with those old ass bones he's rockin' under the skin.
6. Can I pull a Will Farrell "Here to fuck shit up," and draft the rights of Jeremy Tyler, letting him mature for two years in Europe?
7. What about this... pulling a fast one on the NBA? Remember Chappelle's racial draft, the one where the Asian cats drafted... THE WU TANG CLAN?!
8. Can I draft the literal Velociraptor from the Gatorade/Vince Carter commercial?
9. What if I draft Mark Titus, just to spite Sternbot?

I'm picking 9th, so I'm asking 9 questions. How cliche. To leave you, I've assembled one damn good middle of the week playlist. Allow your ears to be swerved.


BET said...

1. Earl Clark/any good power forward, Chris Bosh will be leaving soon enough, get a replacement

2. Trade Bosh. Get rid of him. Offer him around to the other lottery GMs, let the highest bidder take him. Cash out now, he is leaving anyway. Pull a OKC and build around rookies.

3. No, but redrafting Fran Vasquez to have him redo-you dirty (the same way he did Orlando) is a good way to punish yourself for asking that question.

4. Its more Rupaul inspired.

5. No, sorry, but no.

6. If your into kinky shit, sure.

7. Yeah, bring back the ROFL Copter!

8. Sorry, the Clippers will be shocking everyone by taking him. Dont tell though, its a secret.

9. Then even more people will find the raptors 'intresting' but still not worth watching.

Moose said...

My vote? Draft Chuck Norris. No, you wouldn't get anything good, but it WOULD be funny.

Justin Walsh said...

If I drafted Chuck Norris. Oh lord. And BET, the ROFL Copter will be brought.

Moose said...

If you draft Chuck Norris, your SLAM gig will go out the window haha.

Jameyb said...

We already discussed this at FB, but I think Stephen Curry would be a great fit for the Teradactyls. He would help spread the floor for Bosh and brings instant offense. LOL @ "Sternbot." Before Chuck Norris though, I'd draft Schwarzenegger-I'd love to here him telling Steve Javie: "he was owwwt of tha currcle..!"

Blinguo said...

You could be the guy who gets God Shammgod out of China.

SLAMonline can't say no to that.

Justin Walsh said...

Blinguo, Shammgod I am an absurdly large fan of.

BdubbleU said...

Chase Budinger.

Jameyb said...

looks like you guys have a new

DP said...

Earl clark gots potential...tyreke is what he is...a guard who shoots too damn much and can't really play either guard spot perfectly. hmmmm. choices....

I LOVE YOU said...


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