They say the good die young so I added some
bad ass to my flavor to prolong my life over the drum.
I am the Toronto Raptor GM for the SLAM Mock Draft (didn't even have to start a beef with Ryan Jones to get the spot), and I have some demands. Because I'm an aloof, insufferable white man with an affinity for asking questions, err- demanding answers. My only rule- I will not draft Tyler Hansbrough.
1. Who should I draft, why?
2. What's to stop me from trading Chris Bosh for Chris Quinn of the Heat?
3. Does this mean I can't draft another European like they seem to every year?
4. Is it too Ashton Kutcher-esque to ding-dong-ditch Bill Simmons?
5. Can't I just draft Kareem? I mean, sure he's old, but he's better than any center in this class currently, even with those old ass bones he's rockin' under the skin.
6. Can I pull a Will Farrell "Here to fuck shit up," and draft the rights of Jeremy Tyler, letting him mature for two years in Europe?
7. What about this... pulling a fast one on the NBA? Remember Chappelle's racial draft, the one where the Asian cats drafted... THE WU TANG CLAN?!
8. Can I draft the literal Velociraptor from the Gatorade/Vince Carter commercial?
9. What if I draft Mark Titus, just to spite Sternbot?
I'm picking 9th, so I'm asking 9 questions. How cliche. To leave you, I've assembled one damn good middle of the week playlist. Allow your ears to be swerved.